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Friday, May 07, 2004

Proposal: Hats Are Not 1337

In Rule 16, change all instances of the word "hatxx0r" to "Breaker". Then institute the following changes.

Change all occurrences of "Hat" in the Ruleset and GNDT to "Ware" (plural "Warez"), and all occurrences of "Player" to "Haxx0r".

Change all occurrences of "BalanceRating" or "Balance Rating" in the Ruleset and GNDT to "CPUSpeed", of "HatsOn" or "Hats On" to "WarezRunning", and of "Wear" to "Run".

Change all occurrences of "trick" to "Sk33l" (plural "Sk33lz").

Change the description of "Top Hat" to read:
.HACK//SIGN: An attempt to improve CPU performance by hijacking a network's computing power. You can only have a number of WarezRunning equal to your CPUSpeed minus 2 when you perform this Sk33l. Make a GNDT entry: ".HACK//SIGN: DICE+[WarezRunning]". If the result exceeds your CPUSpeed, raise your CPUSpeed so it is equal to the result, raise your WarezRunning to equal the result, and give yourself additional Warez equal to the result from the DICE entry.
Change the description of "Pulling a Rabbit Out of a Hat" to read:
Ghost in the Shell: You try to summon the Email Daemon. Sacrifice 10 Warez and make a GNDT entry: "I call upon the power of the Email Daemon! FRUIT" Your reward is determined by the result:
Lemon: Your daemon is yellow and sour, and quickly deletes the Warez you sacrificed. Before it can delete more, you haxx0r it and make it into cyberdust. Add "Lemon Cyberdust" to your Stuff.
Cherry: A six-tun daemon named Mephistopheles appears. How he got six tuns, you will never know, but daemon drink is tasty. Add "6 Daemon Drinks" to your Stuff and increase your CPUSpeed by 6.
Orange: The daemon appears. "Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "Orange." "Orange Who?" "Orange you glad I'm not drunk? Ha Ha Ha." The daemon vanishes. You gain 2 CPUSpeed and add "Wisdom of the ages" to your Stuff.
Hooch: Your daemon is drunk. It mutters something about "I will rean my choom, in exmange for your imsortal clole" before passing out on your monitor. Reduce your CPUSpeed by 2 because of the fragments.
Bar: If one drunk daemon is bad, try a whole bar full of them. They stampede, causing you to lose 4 from your CPUSpeed. On the other hand, everybody now has 10 Daemonspawn Warez. Add 10 Warez to everyone's total.
Kiwi: You have summoned the Email Daemon! The daemon tries to grant your fondest wish, but gives you a wind-up fish instead. Add >:* next to your name in the sidebar. You gain 20 Warez and 20 CPUSpeed, and add "Wind-up Fish" to your Stuff.
Delete the description of Bartholomew Cubbins in Rule 14.

Revise the list of Titles in Rule 2 to read:
~: The Haxx0r with the tilde has won the Thomas A. Anderson award of Haxx0ring Excellence.
^: The Haxx0r with the carat is known as the Mad Haxx0r.
>:*: The Haxx0r or Haxx0rs with the angle bracket-colon-asterix are known as the Amazing Email Daemon Summoners.

Replace the phrase "Bowler Derby" with "Melissa Virus" wheresoever it appears in the Ruleset. Replace the phrase "Birthday Hat" with "Firewall", "Birthday Player" with "Firewalled Haxx0r", and "Birthday Cat" with "Firecall". Replace the phrase "Sailor Hat" with "Swimware", "Tailor Hat" with "Stimware", and "Captain's Hat" with "Headware". Replace the phrases "Eat Your Hat" and "Hungry Hat" with "Trace".

Repeal Rule 17.

Replace the phrase "The Hat of Buster Keaton" with "KaZaA".

Replace the phrase "Hot Hat" with "Lovebug Virus".

Derived forms of all words to be changed above should be changed as well, to the appropriate derived forms of the words they are changed to. For instance, replace "Wearing" with "Running", and "Hats" with "Warez".

FOR Timed out; passed 8 to 5 by Satyr Eyes at 12:50 AM GMT on 5.10.2004. +12 to Satyr Eyes. -5 to nonvoters ChinDoGu, est, Hobbes, Kahbn, Octave, and Udelar.