Ascension Address: A Bold Time For Vision

Employees and Associates, I'm glad to see you all here today. It's a good thing I wore my glasses. Pause for laughter. I--that's, um, hold on.

As I was saying, I've called this team-wide infosession to discuss the reformation of our mission statement and, more importantly, the new philosophy behind it. We've thrown out all the old rules and cleared up most of the lingering tasks. We're ready to forge ahead, to think outside the box. I may be your District Manager, but each of you Teamspersons is equally vital to the dignity of this company as a whole. The TTC Conglomerate is, now more than ever, poised to leap directly into the cutting edge of office solutions.

Replacing "Computer," "Crew Member" and "Health" with "District Manager," "Teamsperson" and "Dignity."

Repealing rules 1-10, and removing several long-idle players.

Vetoing all pending Proposals except "Cost Accountancy."

One quick note--as is clearly visible in this PowerPoint chart, our CorporateCorporal license has corresponded with a distinct and sustained rise in productivity. In other words, since morale's improved, the beatings will continue.

Now, if you'll flip to the next page in your handouts, we'll begin.