Dragging Diana From Her Car

I am the very model of a Hellenistic deity –
I’m beautiful and virginal and full of spontaneity.
I rule the Moon, an orb with many gods in Greek mythology
(A function of its vital place in period symbology),
But I’m the most important of those gods polytheistical,
For I’m Apollo’s twin (and am as such a tad sadistical).
Our mother’s place of labor on some godforsaken playa be –
But crack a joke, and when I’m done you’ll crave the fate of Niobe!

But crack a joke, and when she’s done you’ll crave the fate of Niobe!

I rule the Hunt as well, and if you ever find a hart amiss,
Just pray to me – I’ll give you cause to praise the name of Artemis!
In short, to those who worship me and honor my omneity,
I am the very model of a Hellenistic deity!

In short, to those who worship her and honor her omneity,
She is the very model of a Hellenistic deity!

*****

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the goddess Artemis! Her entry reads as follows:

Artemis, the goddess of the moon and the hunt. A successful Prayer to Artemis between the hours of 6 PM and 6 AM GMT increases the Supplies of the praying Mariner's Ship by twice the Prayer Roll. Between the hours of 6 AM and 6 PM GMT the Prayer causes the praying Mariner to lose 5 Morale as an annoyed Artemis inflicts minor smitation upon him or her.